The Ruining of a Mall and Boob Man all in one day (what fun!!)
Today is the day.
No more putting it off like I have since January. No more excuses, no more tomorrows.
Today I go to the Boob Man.
I have discussed with a friend and I am hoping I do not scar this man for life, for I have the most glorious boobies ever. Everything a 39 DD could ever have and then some, they are fabulous and I love them.
Why do I love my boobies so much?? Because in all reality I have no ass. Its true, ask anyone who knows me. Ill never forget the day I was pregnant with my 5 year old and I was in the kitchen and my husband said "Holy Shit" I said "What" he said" You finally have an ass"!!
Apparently I had some pregnency hormone that created this temporary ass. It lasted 5 or 6 months tops then as soon as it had deflated, my ass just fell off one day. You know that commercial where the kids are on the beach and they find that ass in the sand??? yup that was mine.
So living a life of a "no ass women" I have grown to be very attached to my boobs. I dont ever go anywhere without them, they are loved by many and have even started a war or two, in the grocery between a misc husband and wife, but I didnt know them so I dont care, anywho.
If I go to the Boob Man and he has to examine my magnificent melons I am feeling he may never look at his wife the same way again, unless he is gay, or he is a she and then she will feel inadequate. Oh my if he isnt married I feel sorry for his future girlfriends.
So with that being said, my breasts and I will be out bouncing around town today. Im also going to the mall clothes shopping with my Mommy afterward.
Unless the Boob Man doesnt deliver the news I want to hear, then I will be sawing them off with a butter knife because after all of these years they will have turned against me. Who needs them right??
Ok so I digress. To the mall shopping, little capri's, tank tops, maybe some new undies......new jammies, I love jammies.
Oh who the hell and I kidding I hate fucking shopping. Im being dragged by my shopaholic mother and her love of the credit card and low interest rates!
Pray for me the shopping will be worse then the Dr.
But Im leaving kids home with hubby and getting a night out.
Love you all, especially you right there in that office chair. Ya you, you know who you are.
Disclaimer: Any typo's are to be referred to the lack of coffee in the blood stream of this person at this god awful early hour
No more putting it off like I have since January. No more excuses, no more tomorrows.
Today I go to the Boob Man.
I have discussed with a friend and I am hoping I do not scar this man for life, for I have the most glorious boobies ever. Everything a 39 DD could ever have and then some, they are fabulous and I love them.
Why do I love my boobies so much?? Because in all reality I have no ass. Its true, ask anyone who knows me. Ill never forget the day I was pregnant with my 5 year old and I was in the kitchen and my husband said "Holy Shit" I said "What" he said" You finally have an ass"!!
Apparently I had some pregnency hormone that created this temporary ass. It lasted 5 or 6 months tops then as soon as it had deflated, my ass just fell off one day. You know that commercial where the kids are on the beach and they find that ass in the sand??? yup that was mine.
So living a life of a "no ass women" I have grown to be very attached to my boobs. I dont ever go anywhere without them, they are loved by many and have even started a war or two, in the grocery between a misc husband and wife, but I didnt know them so I dont care, anywho.
If I go to the Boob Man and he has to examine my magnificent melons I am feeling he may never look at his wife the same way again, unless he is gay, or he is a she and then she will feel inadequate. Oh my if he isnt married I feel sorry for his future girlfriends.
So with that being said, my breasts and I will be out bouncing around town today. Im also going to the mall clothes shopping with my Mommy afterward.
Unless the Boob Man doesnt deliver the news I want to hear, then I will be sawing them off with a butter knife because after all of these years they will have turned against me. Who needs them right??
Ok so I digress. To the mall shopping, little capri's, tank tops, maybe some new undies......new jammies, I love jammies.
Oh who the hell and I kidding I hate fucking shopping. Im being dragged by my shopaholic mother and her love of the credit card and low interest rates!
Pray for me the shopping will be worse then the Dr.
But Im leaving kids home with hubby and getting a night out.
Love you all, especially you right there in that office chair. Ya you, you know who you are.
Disclaimer: Any typo's are to be referred to the lack of coffee in the blood stream of this person at this god awful early hour
posted by A Farce called Life at 9:04 AM
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