Dark Day

Today was very dark, it rained all day and is only 44 degrees outside. Gloomy and bleak. Kind of like my mood. Today was one of those bad days, one of those days that "he" is in my head for unknown reasons. I know he has no business being there, he knows he has no business being there, but it just happens. He just pops up for unknown reasons. These days have gotten less as time has gone on, its been a while since I had a whole day of "him". They had depleted to just moments.
It baffles me to no end, I know its not good, its not healthy, nor is it any kind of winning situation, but still his memory persists in my head. Its been 10 years and you would think it would get easier. It has not. Its gotten to be less frequent but it has not gotten any easier.
Im not looking for advice or sympathy. Im just venting. Maybe writing it down and walking away from it will make "him" go away today.
Being chased around by one of your saddest ghosts is like walking in quick sand with lead boots on.
There has to be a solution to this issue, I cant help but think it will be like this forever. There has to be an answer. I just dont know what it is yet.