Let the Festivities Commence
I have warned you as holiday stress takes over blogs get stupider. My spirtual creative side waits patiently on the sidelines for Jan 2................................................
Let the festivities commence
I have held back this holiday as long as I can, the door burst open today and there it was in all its tinsel and wrapping paper glory, standing on the threshhold of my day.
I have lost the real tree war, in all practicality the fake tree makes more sense, no pine needles to vacuum up, no getting down all my stomach and pouring water all over the carpet to get the water in the base. We only keep the tree up for a week. Husbands birthday is Jan 1 and it comes down Jan 2. So I will be dragging everything out of the third floor today to decorate. Gotta pick your battles I suppose.
Then the whole wrapping thing will happen tomorrow, ugh, I really hate wrapping, im not good at it and I can never find the damn tape, the kids are always taping things all over the house and the tape ends up in the oddest of places. I do believe I will be buying tape tonight so I have new, findable tape.
Which leads me to my next thing......I have to go to Walmart tonight.......Im gonna swear here people so cover your ears if you offend easily................FUCK.......I hate shopping...If I ever win the lottery, or my inlaws ever kick the bucket (im going to hell for that one) I will pay someone to shop for me. Seriously, I will have someone who I can trust not to buy any knick knacks that I can call at any given hour and say "hey can you run down to the store and pick up some socks and pickles for me"? " I have cold feet and I need to make a Sammich". Or, "Heres my list, dont forget the Gefilte Fish and the Fluffernutter, Im having company this weekend and I hate to dissapoint Mrs Rosenburg and her 2 brats.
Paying someone else to do your shopping must be the utmost luxery. I already do it for my groceries. They come every Wed, and they only charge 5 bucks to do my shopping, and bring it into my house, who the hell can beat that!
I would rather walk on broken glass in the middle of a sand storm wearing nothing but bathing suit filled with itching powder then shop. I guess you get my point.
I have to get grabbag gifts, which is another story. We do grab bag every year, too many people to buy for so we figured a way to make everyone happy, we do the pick a number and you get to switch with the people before you yadayada, please dont make me explain this. So every year, the still in the closet lesbian cousin brings two bags of gifts, one for herself and one for her fake boyfriend. One bag is chocked full of Starbucks stuff, she works for them, the other bag is aweful.
She loads it with sex toys and doesnt let anyone know which one it is.
The first year my dad ended up with it...............holy crap I thought he was going to die. The cousin of a friend who was in from Arizona ended up taking it from my dad, she was 18 and it weirded me out she would want it. She was this little happy child with the innocence of a butterfly.....up till that point.
Last year my brother ended up with it. My brother doesnt mince words, he said "what the fuck" in front of all the rosary clutching aunts. My mother in law took it, even more weirded out. yuck yuck yuck.
So sex toys and coffee, thats what I have to deal with, I think I will buy some nice candles and some coffee mugs, people can always use those.
For the record this isnt my family, mine will be in Jersey at church singing at the candle light service at midnight then having coffee and crumbcake from that really good bakery over in Paterson. Remember folks you just dont marry the person, you marry the whole family. There is no way around it.
I would get into the whole 7 fishes dinner and the other things we have to cook but I think I will save it for another day
Let the festivities commence
I have held back this holiday as long as I can, the door burst open today and there it was in all its tinsel and wrapping paper glory, standing on the threshhold of my day.
I have lost the real tree war, in all practicality the fake tree makes more sense, no pine needles to vacuum up, no getting down all my stomach and pouring water all over the carpet to get the water in the base. We only keep the tree up for a week. Husbands birthday is Jan 1 and it comes down Jan 2. So I will be dragging everything out of the third floor today to decorate. Gotta pick your battles I suppose.
Then the whole wrapping thing will happen tomorrow, ugh, I really hate wrapping, im not good at it and I can never find the damn tape, the kids are always taping things all over the house and the tape ends up in the oddest of places. I do believe I will be buying tape tonight so I have new, findable tape.
Which leads me to my next thing......I have to go to Walmart tonight.......Im gonna swear here people so cover your ears if you offend easily................FUCK.......I hate shopping...If I ever win the lottery, or my inlaws ever kick the bucket (im going to hell for that one) I will pay someone to shop for me. Seriously, I will have someone who I can trust not to buy any knick knacks that I can call at any given hour and say "hey can you run down to the store and pick up some socks and pickles for me"? " I have cold feet and I need to make a Sammich". Or, "Heres my list, dont forget the Gefilte Fish and the Fluffernutter, Im having company this weekend and I hate to dissapoint Mrs Rosenburg and her 2 brats.
Paying someone else to do your shopping must be the utmost luxery. I already do it for my groceries. They come every Wed, and they only charge 5 bucks to do my shopping, and bring it into my house, who the hell can beat that!
I would rather walk on broken glass in the middle of a sand storm wearing nothing but bathing suit filled with itching powder then shop. I guess you get my point.
I have to get grabbag gifts, which is another story. We do grab bag every year, too many people to buy for so we figured a way to make everyone happy, we do the pick a number and you get to switch with the people before you yadayada, please dont make me explain this. So every year, the still in the closet lesbian cousin brings two bags of gifts, one for herself and one for her fake boyfriend. One bag is chocked full of Starbucks stuff, she works for them, the other bag is aweful.
She loads it with sex toys and doesnt let anyone know which one it is.
The first year my dad ended up with it...............holy crap I thought he was going to die. The cousin of a friend who was in from Arizona ended up taking it from my dad, she was 18 and it weirded me out she would want it. She was this little happy child with the innocence of a butterfly.....up till that point.
Last year my brother ended up with it. My brother doesnt mince words, he said "what the fuck" in front of all the rosary clutching aunts. My mother in law took it, even more weirded out. yuck yuck yuck.
So sex toys and coffee, thats what I have to deal with, I think I will buy some nice candles and some coffee mugs, people can always use those.
For the record this isnt my family, mine will be in Jersey at church singing at the candle light service at midnight then having coffee and crumbcake from that really good bakery over in Paterson. Remember folks you just dont marry the person, you marry the whole family. There is no way around it.
I would get into the whole 7 fishes dinner and the other things we have to cook but I think I will save it for another day
posted by A Farce called Life at 4:50 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home