Hair
Hair
As I lay in bed last night, trying to fall asleep the minutes ticked away on the clock, 1 am 2 am 3 am came and went, my daughter was feeling my unrest and was also awake, she hasnt been feeling well and was riding the high of some cold meds I gave her, so there we lay, the two of us like a couple of frustrated insomniacs.
She holding onto my hair saying cozy mommy over and over. Me holding her other hand and thinking I really need to put her into her own bed. She has a beautiful hand made wooden bed made especially for her from Sleep Safer. Its a special bed for kids with special needs, the sides fold up so she cant fall or climb out. Plexi windows so she can see out.
For a long time I have been using the excuse im afraid she will stop breathing and I wont know it. She has what they call awake apnia, she just stops breathing, turns blue and I shake her back to reality and she breaths again. Some sort of seizure I assume, Ive neve gotten a straight answer, she is s mystery to most Dr's when it comes to her brain. Now mind you its been about 2 years since she has done this, but I still use this as an excuse.
Letting go and letting her be independent is something I need to work on. They warned me about this when she was born. Its so easy to coddle her, she has the mental ability of a 1 year old and is just so easy to baby.
I think it may be harder for me then for her.
Her mortality scares me, she could just go at any time for a number of reasons, I know I would find a way to blame it on myself.
My mortality scares me, spend as much time as you can with this child, you may not be around next year. We could all get hit by a bus tomorrow, I know this, but these are my feelings.
Today starts the mother of all Aides, she is a 60 year old italian women with the vibrance of a thousand women and the energy of an army.
I have been told she will be taking over for a few hours every day. This one will make me back off. Let her gain independence, grow up a little without me doing everything for her.
Its going to be a personal struggle but I think im ready.
Although im going to miss the cozy mommy till 3 am.
Speaking of my own mortality, my Dr called, I have to wait till Jan 6th to see the breast specialist. Im not very happy about that.
As I lay in bed last night, trying to fall asleep the minutes ticked away on the clock, 1 am 2 am 3 am came and went, my daughter was feeling my unrest and was also awake, she hasnt been feeling well and was riding the high of some cold meds I gave her, so there we lay, the two of us like a couple of frustrated insomniacs.
She holding onto my hair saying cozy mommy over and over. Me holding her other hand and thinking I really need to put her into her own bed. She has a beautiful hand made wooden bed made especially for her from Sleep Safer. Its a special bed for kids with special needs, the sides fold up so she cant fall or climb out. Plexi windows so she can see out.
For a long time I have been using the excuse im afraid she will stop breathing and I wont know it. She has what they call awake apnia, she just stops breathing, turns blue and I shake her back to reality and she breaths again. Some sort of seizure I assume, Ive neve gotten a straight answer, she is s mystery to most Dr's when it comes to her brain. Now mind you its been about 2 years since she has done this, but I still use this as an excuse.
Letting go and letting her be independent is something I need to work on. They warned me about this when she was born. Its so easy to coddle her, she has the mental ability of a 1 year old and is just so easy to baby.
I think it may be harder for me then for her.
Her mortality scares me, she could just go at any time for a number of reasons, I know I would find a way to blame it on myself.
My mortality scares me, spend as much time as you can with this child, you may not be around next year. We could all get hit by a bus tomorrow, I know this, but these are my feelings.
Today starts the mother of all Aides, she is a 60 year old italian women with the vibrance of a thousand women and the energy of an army.
I have been told she will be taking over for a few hours every day. This one will make me back off. Let her gain independence, grow up a little without me doing everything for her.
Its going to be a personal struggle but I think im ready.
Although im going to miss the cozy mommy till 3 am.
Speaking of my own mortality, my Dr called, I have to wait till Jan 6th to see the breast specialist. Im not very happy about that.
posted by A Farce called Life at 8:23 AM
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