Day 3
Day 3 Current mood: sad
Last thoughts of the day, before I go take my day out on a rotary cutter and some fabric.
I feel like someone just walked through my soul. A presence that wont show its face.
Its day 3 of my bad moment turning into a long stretch of thoughts. I tried to pin point the moment it happened, and I remembered stepping into the shower the other day and all of a sudden “he” was there in my thoughts, and I thought to myself, “wow there you are”, I had gotten to the point where he was not running through my head most of the day, thoughts of him had been replaced with the present and the future. At first I thought it was just going to take time to get over this. I think I may still be dealing with unresolved issues. On my part. Is it the guilt that is still getting to me? Guilt of feeling I abandon someone when they needed me most? I don’t know, I know I couldn’t save him he had to save himself, but the guilt is still there. Would his life be any different if I had stayed? Would there be any change in how things turned out? I will never know. I have to accept that and move on.
I should know better obsessing about could haves, should haves, and would haves. I know that is a very unhealthy attitude that will get me absolutely nowhere.
I just read a blog about forgiveness and I was so happy with the fact that we were able to forgive each other back in September, I really thought that was a wonderful thing. I just now am realizing it was only half of the answer. I need to forgive myself. How do you do that? I wish I knew.
I will do what I do best in times like this, I am going to sew. I am making a quilt today, well starting a new one anyway.
APD©
Last thoughts of the day, before I go take my day out on a rotary cutter and some fabric.
I feel like someone just walked through my soul. A presence that wont show its face.
Its day 3 of my bad moment turning into a long stretch of thoughts. I tried to pin point the moment it happened, and I remembered stepping into the shower the other day and all of a sudden “he” was there in my thoughts, and I thought to myself, “wow there you are”, I had gotten to the point where he was not running through my head most of the day, thoughts of him had been replaced with the present and the future. At first I thought it was just going to take time to get over this. I think I may still be dealing with unresolved issues. On my part. Is it the guilt that is still getting to me? Guilt of feeling I abandon someone when they needed me most? I don’t know, I know I couldn’t save him he had to save himself, but the guilt is still there. Would his life be any different if I had stayed? Would there be any change in how things turned out? I will never know. I have to accept that and move on.
I should know better obsessing about could haves, should haves, and would haves. I know that is a very unhealthy attitude that will get me absolutely nowhere.
I just read a blog about forgiveness and I was so happy with the fact that we were able to forgive each other back in September, I really thought that was a wonderful thing. I just now am realizing it was only half of the answer. I need to forgive myself. How do you do that? I wish I knew.
I will do what I do best in times like this, I am going to sew. I am making a quilt today, well starting a new one anyway.
APD©
posted by A Farce called Life at 1:23 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home