Head Wounds Bleed Alot and so does my Heart

........So today is going to be the day from hell.
Last night around ohhhhhhh 1 am when I couldnt get my daughter to go to sleep due to her innate ability to pick up on Mommies over abundance of caffiene in her system, Mommy took the little boobala into bed with her.
Little boobala then proceeded to slam her head into the window sill and I have never ever been sprayed with blood before, but holy shit if I wasnt covered from forehead to belly button within 2 seconds.
So I freak out and run to the bathroom with her and put a wet wash cloth on her head, she is screaming, husband is in his usual oxyconten, ambien induced stagger freaking out, although he is so fucked he doesnt quite know what he is freaking out about. So I clean her up and Ill be damned if there wasnt this teeny tiny gash on the back of her head.
Now mind you Im covered, dripping with blood.
So I rememeber, head wounds bleed worse for some reason. Ok so I stop freaking out, look at her eyes, compare them to Daddies and figure he is the one who may need an ambulance.
We go back to bed and I stay up ALL night watching her sleep in case I was the asshole who didnt call 911 and she has a massive brain bleed or something.
So all is well she is breathing nice and steady as of morning light.
And then it happens..............shit for brains decides "IN CASE" I need to take her to the dr's today to have that Teeny Tiny gash looked at he is going to stay home so he is here for the kids after school.
I knew my feeling of impending doom yesterday was for a reason.
Well with that being said, I am taking her to the Dr's today, if not to make SURE she is ok, just to get out of the fucking house for a few hours.
Ok im done, back to your regularly scheduled programming, and you, ya you there that hates the bitching and moaning, thanks for sticking around.
Life happens.

Ghosts in my tears

I drip sweet images of your face from my lashes
My reality a facade crumbles and crashes

Down around me my kingdom falls
Held together by string and straw

Brown orbs flecked with gold
Intensity burns a story to be told

We made sense
We fit
We were just right
What is it that made you not want to fight
You gave up on us you took to flight

You will never know how you broke my heart
With one sentence my life was ripped apart

I drifted and stumbled through the rest of those years
Adrift on a river made of my tears

Beaten and scarred I rose from the ashes
With images of you still on my lashes

I never forgot you, your always right here
Just in the shadows just one of my ghosts that I hear

They beckon and call me out in the night
Memories of you shining bright

My beacon in the darkness I shall follow
A few moments with them they allow me to borrow

Time with the image of the one on my lashes
And it starts all over
The facade crumbles and crashes

Ashes

Ashes to ashes dust to dust
A love for you formed from lust
Dead before its climax came
A look back our bodies entwined with shame
A brief solar flare, hot and quick
Over before the love could stick
Ashes to ashes dust to dust
Can love be mistakened from such lust
The fires that burn the brightest are over
Before we pass the stage of lovers
Skin still holds a memory of you
pressed to me, me to you
Ashes to ashes dust to dust
A poem written by my lust

Drowning in you

Covered in a blanket of us
I drip deep thoughts
and weep wet sorrow.
My lips are smeared with a memory
My hands clenched tightly beat a wall
Red drops of anger run down my arms
A scream from my throat
The sleeping souls awaken
Grieving you over and over
My head breaks through
I gasp air, like liquid it fills me
I sink again
A hand reaching
calling
Begging
Pleading
I turn swim away
Water is warm I say
I will stay a little longer
A voice..............singing like a siren
In wait.

Dopey Didnt Satisfy This Woman Tonight

Ok so its 4 change in the morning Ive been tossing and turning for an hour, the birds are chirping and Harvey and his crew of bacteria laden hoodlums are due any moment to retrieve the weeks garbage from in front of the house.
Every time I closed my eyes to go back to sleep all I could think was, Harvey and his merry beer guzzling midgets will be hooten and holleren any minute now and will just reawaken my sorry ass again.
So I opted out of sleep tonight, I should have popped a little blue pill but they made me really cranky the last time and Im not in the mood for picking unreasonable fights with my husband, plus its no fun arguing with a sleeping man anyway, they dont fight back.
So here I am, yours for the next few moments.
I was going to write a poem, but Its not whats on my mind.
I was going to read some blogs, but Im not really focus'ed enough to appreciate any of them right now.
I was going to write about Dopey the Life Insurance salesmen that showed up at my house tonight at 7:30 and somebody forgot to tell me he was coming and the hubster wasnt home yet.
Dopey sat at my dining room table...a grown man of 46..giving me his opinion on everyone that is on American Idol. I was dumbfounded. This was better then the lawyer who wouldnt drink any coffee because it would have made him pee all the way home.
Dopey then told me his wife left him for a cop.
Dopey also told me he could never satisfy his wife, that she even felt her 190.00 hair cuts werent good enough.
Dopey also told me he wasnt here to make a fortune off of us he just wanted to protect my family and then at the end of the night he drove off in a Jaguar.
Dopey was a moron who told me more about his life then how to protect my family and assets and just skimmed over the Annuity Funds when I told him thats what really interested me. (12 percent yield a year is no joke).
Dopey left with an unsigned contract, my opinion of all of the American Idols, and not one penny of my money.
For me it was a very lucritive evening. I kept him here long enough for my husband to get home and be annoyed also. Oh what fun.
He sat and spewed numbers at my husband...whom just sat there mouth breathing due to his 3 hour wait at motor vehicle.
Dopey had no clue he was talking to a brick wall.
Dopey had no clue GIAYF was not the numbers person of this family.
Dopey never picked up on who makes the decisions.
He was so honed in on just speaking with "clueless", he completely missed the boat.
Must be why Dopeys wife left him.....Dopey did not satisfy this wife tonight either.
Dopey needs to pay more attention.
So this time I will call a finance person, this time I will make the appt. and we shall see what happens.
Did anyone realize the S&P 500 Annuities yield 12 percent on the average annually?
Dopey really fucked up.

Echo of the Day

Memories of you linger with the pieces of me that never forgot
Life became complicated when my mind realized it was simple
People wait for no one
Love waits forever
Unsatisfied searching for what you never found
What is it you run from, you numb from
What is it you want for, you daunt for
Do you feel me smell me taste me burn for me
I know that feeling, that one surrounds your face
The unsatisfied longing of something you have never found
Is it there.............in the bottom..............of a bottle
Temporary relief from a self inflicted wound to your soul
I think not, I feel not, I bleed not
Echo's of the day you left on your quest into her
Stains from my tears burned my life for the next nine years
You never knew, how much I love you still
You never cared how much I love you still
You were searching, running, failing, and sailing
A gift you never took, I hung back on a hook
Cast back into a sea, to see what would come back to me
A love you cast into a tide, but from this you cannot run and hide
Because in the end, it all comes back around
Its love and it knows no bounds
So I quote the man with wings of a dove
In the end, all there is, is love.

Last Wish

Feeling my own hot breath
blood courses through my veins
I turn to look
and all I feel is pain
I see you in the shadows
I feel you on my skin
I smell you in the air,
thoughts of you are my sin
One wish I would have
if my days were to end
To lie and look into your eyes
So my heart would mend
To know that this endless feeling
would somehow be confirmed
As the love I always knew we had
never ended but still burned.
Sometimes late at night
I look up at the sky
and take comfort in the fact
Our love has never died.
So someday in the future
if you ever recieve the call
Beckoning you to come and take one last fall
Back into my eyes and grant me my desire
I only want to die while feeling the fire.

Un-named

Un-Named

Swirls of grey blanket my mind
Soft thoughts reverberate just behind

Trying to forget the nothingness of what had been
Trying to remember the something that never filtered in

An illusion of its own making, images we portray
A lie that beholds us with the game we play

The game of life beckons us a time or two
The enlightened ones are lucky to me, to you

But what about wisdom, strategies we play out
They teach us in the long run not to flail about

The trials and pain that pave our way
Are all a path to an even more brilliant day

The day the swirls of grey lift
The veil of blindness begins to slip

We stand and look up to the sky
The light of life like a prism in our eyes

True love will only come when we reach into that place
For thats only when we can show our true face.

Thank you to all that have passed through this haze
For it lead me to you and the most beautiful day

Ill trade you one boob for a nose ring and raise you a diamond stud

Ok I had a discussion with my best friend Cat. In my completely twisted mind of everything is good all the time no matter what happens, I have made a decision.
If...........IF....If only if...and I am thinking Im gonna be ok and all, they have to cut off one of my fabulous boobs, I am getting my nose pierced.
Cute little diamond stud....Ill get a nice tan and take on the exotic look.
I already have the bohemian clothes to pull off the whole look.
Ok thats all. Excuse my manic mood, Ill be better later, plus im on my second POT of coffee.
But seriously, ive always wanted a nose ring and I think its giving me something to look foward to.
But I still think im going to be fine. Ok im going now....really...I am....ok
Poooooooooooooooooof

The Ruining of a Mall and Boob Man all in one day (what fun!!)

Today is the day.
No more putting it off like I have since January. No more excuses, no more tomorrows.
Today I go to the Boob Man.
I have discussed with a friend and I am hoping I do not scar this man for life, for I have the most glorious boobies ever. Everything a 39 DD could ever have and then some, they are fabulous and I love them.
Why do I love my boobies so much?? Because in all reality I have no ass. Its true, ask anyone who knows me. Ill never forget the day I was pregnant with my 5 year old and I was in the kitchen and my husband said "Holy Shit" I said "What" he said" You finally have an ass"!!
Apparently I had some pregnency hormone that created this temporary ass. It lasted 5 or 6 months tops then as soon as it had deflated, my ass just fell off one day. You know that commercial where the kids are on the beach and they find that ass in the sand??? yup that was mine.
So living a life of a "no ass women" I have grown to be very attached to my boobs. I dont ever go anywhere without them, they are loved by many and have even started a war or two, in the grocery between a misc husband and wife, but I didnt know them so I dont care, anywho.
If I go to the Boob Man and he has to examine my magnificent melons I am feeling he may never look at his wife the same way again, unless he is gay, or he is a she and then she will feel inadequate. Oh my if he isnt married I feel sorry for his future girlfriends.
So with that being said, my breasts and I will be out bouncing around town today. Im also going to the mall clothes shopping with my Mommy afterward.
Unless the Boob Man doesnt deliver the news I want to hear, then I will be sawing them off with a butter knife because after all of these years they will have turned against me. Who needs them right??
Ok so I digress. To the mall shopping, little capri's, tank tops, maybe some new undies......new jammies, I love jammies.
Oh who the hell and I kidding I hate fucking shopping. Im being dragged by my shopaholic mother and her love of the credit card and low interest rates!
Pray for me the shopping will be worse then the Dr.
But Im leaving kids home with hubby and getting a night out.
Love you all, especially you right there in that office chair. Ya you, you know who you are.
Disclaimer: Any typo's are to be referred to the lack of coffee in the blood stream of this person at this god awful early hour

Dancing Naked Outside The Box

Life, its weird sometimes, just when you think you have all of your brain cells, emotions, heart, soul, and whatever else you can think of in complete balance something comes along and hits you in the back of the head like the Italian grandmother, and says "Hey wake up" your not paying attention!
So I say, "Hey I am paying attention I was just enjoying the rewards of what I have sowed for so long".
And the imaginary Italian grandmother says "Heyyyy what makes you so smart you think you are done learning lifes lessons"? "You think complacency is going to get you anywhere?" "Wake up pay attention you dont know everything" And I think "yet".
So life has other plans
Is life a series of lessons and conquests? Conquests meaning, you need to conquer your moments, your fears, and diversities. I am really thinking that.
Its become so apparent in my life I have to wonder what is it Im getting ready for. What is it that I have come so far and learned so much for. Because I cant believe we all go through this awesome ride only to stop breathing one day and its over.
The profound events in my life make me marvel each day. Some people slug through life and get by happy with the mundane existence of never stepping outside of their box. I guess Im one who likes to dance around the box naked, so when I try and climb in and sit down, the box spits me back out and says, we dont want your kind here, you will upset the balance of mundane, so go dance your dance and only when you have taken your last breath will you understand what each dance step meant.
So I was thrown back out of the box this week. Im dancing naked again. Exposing myself in my words again.
Life is such a wonderful muse.

Devotion

Swirling in a sea of oblivion

One more pill to kill the pain

Standing at the edge of no return

Her teardrops fall like rain

The time has slipped by

No one noticed

The passion die a little each day

When did this happen

This complacency of just going on our way

A simple nod a grunt of hello

A peck on the cheek

The fire has burned so low

Habit has formed in three little words

I love you

Words spoken only from the edge of our lips

I feel your dark

I understand this trip

Helpless am I to stop your pain

My strength is sapped from years of strain

Ive been through this before

I have nothing to say

I cannot give I cannot pay

Standing outside of yourself looking in

You only see you, your obsession, your sin

There is no room for me in a life full of pain

My tear drops will no longer fall like rain.

Honor and devotion

will keep me locked in this cage

I will stand by you

Till our last days

Fanning a fire that dims with the days

Pushing and prodding to look up from your pain

Ill never give up on you my friend

Because I know you would stand by me till the end

Realization

Standing and gazing

Up toward the light

Engulfed in the power and love of life

Casting aside the mountain

We carried on our heart

Admitting fault for carrying it so far

Giving up the chaos and turmoil can be

Harder then living in peace and with me

When learning to walk away from a storm

You are forced to face your life

And what may be wrong

But with this you have given yourself a new chance

To welcome the light

The love once again

Keep walking my child

Never look behind

Love will then find you

It will happen in time

Find the key to you

You need not look far

Its burns bright in yourself

Like a shooting star

My Angel

Missing You

How could I have known
How much of me missed you
Till you reappeared
Your soulful presence
Your wisdom
Your love of all that is good
Reminding me
That in the end all there is, is love
Ive been searching for days
For something I couldnt find
And there you were
My friend
You are a part of me
Part of who I am today
My Angel

Someday

Someday when Im strong
I want to crumble into oblivion
To see your face
Reverberate in my mind
To face the truth
To dispel the lies
To cast the games aside
Someday when Im strong
This swell I hold
For fear of my heart
Will shatter with the force
Of the power that beholds us
Someday when Im strong
Ill face the love
A coward I am
To hide from love
Afraid to feel taste smell
Its a coward that hides from you.
Someday when im strong
Ill open the door
Face the fire
And be consumed once again
Someday I'll tell my heart its ok to love you
Someday